S**t

I hate being that girl. So I was trying to help a friend of mine with a guy she kind of likes, but I think he's starting to like me. And here's the real problem, I promised I wouldn't steal him, but I think I'm starting to like him too, I mean he's really cool and he's fun. But I hate being that girl. I want to help her out so bad and that's how this all started; me hanging out with him last night trying to find out of they'd be a good match, and they might be, though I think he'd scare her with his driving a little. I'm guessing this is why I don't have a bunch of chick friends. F**k.

Senioritis.

I'm officially graduated from high school and I am still taking finals. Guh. And I'm super excited for the summer, I'm going to Italy (probably), and getting ready for moving out (Finally), and Kaytee and I are going to write a novel together (hopefully). Once we've got more written I'll post a summery or maybe the 'back-cover blurb'. Right now I have a scene up that we may use later in the story. I'm excited.

Book blurb

So a friend and I are planning to write a novel, this is a scene I wrote that may or may not end up in it, I'm posting it here for safe keeping. It needs some tweaking.

Hannah sat out on the floating boat launch, her back to the shore as she watched the storm clouds shifting. Everything was washed in grey as thunder boomed and rolled through the sky, angry clouds threatening to pour rain down at any moment. Her thoughts mimicked the sky, her thoughts roaring and churning, images of Kristofer and Hawthorne flashing sharp and bright like the lightning over head.

She sat in an odd calm as the deck below her pitched and bobbed, waves crashing up over the side, soaking through her jeans. She was spinning a bright yellow flower through her fingers; it looked like the last ray of sunshine had before the clouds raged in; desperate. She looked down at it and felt one of the velvety petals between her thumb and forefinger before gently pulling it from its place.

He loves me…

She raised the yellow petal to her mouth and blew it out into the storm. It settled on the raging waves and disappeared again. She plucked another petal

He loves me not…

She didn’t know how long this lasted, she didn’t even know who it was she was playing for, but soon enough, petal by petal she was left with one. For a moment the storm seemed to lull, like the world was breathing in. Hannah stared down at the last shard of color and slowly pulled it from its place. It rested in her palm a moment before it too was taken away by her breath, out to the ocean and swallowed whole.

“He loves me.”

The air shifted, the storm was breaking and Hannah smiled. He hadn’t made a sound when he had come; she had known he wouldn't. Vaguely she wondered how long he had been standing behind her.

“I knew you would be here”, he said. He understood her. He always had. He sat down on the end of the launch with her, his feet in the water, his white blond hair in his eyes and he didn’t say anything else.

The Holiday

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

Yes, this is indeed a chick flick. The Holiday stars Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black and Jude Law. Kate and Cameron play heart broken women who do a house exchange over the Christmas holiday, Diaz to forget her cheating ex she had just broken up with (by punching him in the face) and Winslet to forget the coworker she loved for three years (who also sheated on her while they were together). I'm going to leave my review here, because if I tell you anymore you basically wouldn't have to watch the movie, its predictable, but I still really enjoyed it. Its a cute story with a happy ending for everyone.

Eh

Looks like things with the readhead were just like I thought, he likes someone else. Its all good. However the frequency of this sort of thing is really annoying.
Anyway, I went to Folklife today, it was awesome. There is the constant backdrop of drums, guitar, bellydancing bells, and voices yelling and laughing over the din. Then there's all the venders selling food and clothes and trinkets. The 10+ stages which constantly have music playing andthen all of the street artists busking in the park. Plus the fountain to run in, dancing lessons, giant bubbles, and just the upbeatness of the place. I love it.

Stuff

Lots of stuff has happened lately, but I've decided not to worry anymore. I'm not going to stress over boy stuff. I'm over my ex and I'm letting him get over me. My best friend and I have t learn how to be only that without him freaking out.

I've got a guy I'm interested in but I'm not going to go out of my way to try and find a date. If he likes me back, which he might but its kind of confuzzling, we'll see where this goes. But I'm not going to flip out over it. I've "got to move like a jellyfish, rythem is nothing, you go with the flow you don't stop".

...

It is passed 4 in the a.m. and I am home alone. I hate being home alone. I cannot sleep, this house is way too creepy and our dogs keep me up. I have to be up in like 4 hours so i can clean up the soda cans and popcorn from the mini party tonight before my dad comes home. Good movie though, we watched Dodgeball. I think I will try one more time to sleep before throwing in the towel and watching The Holiday again.