Modeling?

Ok, so basically I've been told by a few of my friends that I should get into modeling. Usually I just kind of scoff and shrug off these kinds of comments as my friends just being ridiculous and nice, but when my sister said it, I guess I paid a little more attention.

There is actually a genere of modeling I'd like to get into, I think it would be fun. Given, its name is a little questionable; it's called Fetish Modeling. But its really more alternative styles than anything dirty; corsets, lace, latex, PVC...I guess stuff that a lot of people would call Gothic fashion or Lolita fashion.

This woman (Screenname Countess Grotesque) countess-grotesque.deviantart.com is a great example of what I'm talking about.




Here are my problems: I,
1) Don't even know where to begin or who to talk to
2) Have no photographers to turn to
3) Don't have even a third of the wardrobe or makeup SHE has

So, I'm a little SOL with preparation...

I guess I'm looking for some encouragement, or a foot in the door. I mean, I'm willing to give it a try, I just need a little help... Questions, comments, concerns, suggestions?

Obsession

This is, as promised, the blurb from the book my roommate wants me to work on. Tell me what you think?


I’ve decided that you cannot and will not ever truly understand a person until you can understand their obsessions. Everyone has at least one, and they, above all other things define a person. We’ve all met someone obsessed with their religion, or someone obsessed with how they look, obsessed with cars… And when I say obsessed, I don’t mean the way teens desperately try to follow fashion trends. I mean obsession the way that a cat will sit and watch a caged bird that lies just out of her reach for hours on end, leaving only to sleep, eat, and answer to the demands of its body, all the while imagining that same bird in its minds eye.

Unfortunately for me I feel that this means no one will ever really understand me. Music is my obsession; with the way it is flowing around us constantly like a liquid which varies in thickness, sometimes smothering us like a blanket while also at times drifting by so faintly as to be completely unnoticeable consciously. With the way it speaks when I cannot. And that is the part so many find so hard to understand. When I sing, you can see its effect on me… When I sing, and I mean it, you can feel it…Or at least I hope you can. I leave lyrics in the dust, messages for you to find and hopefully interpret. Most people I guess don’t really see it. Don’t know what I mean; they think I’m just writing down lyrics from a song stuck randomly in my head. Sometimes this is true, but not usually.

Part of understanding my obsession is understanding my music, which is hard because I listen to so much music, and so much of what I listen to almost no one I know has heard of. Which really makes it hard for them to understand it… I guess I’m stuck then huh?

Looong Time No Blog

Ok, here's the update: I ended up withdrawing from CWU before classes even started, I've moved in and am currently living with my boyfriend, My best friend, and Her boyfriend, plus two adults. I am looking for a job. That's about it. Oh, I have glasses and another piercing, now along with my eyebrow, my lip has metal through it. I'm considering working on the book Kaytee and i were going to write since it never really got started, but I don't know if that will happen, also, my roommate wants me to start another idea I had, I might post the few short paragraphs I wrote later.

College

Did Orientation and Registration last week. I'm really excited, even though my mom keeps telling me I wont have money for more than maybe one year. I did my FAFSA, I'm going to get my loans once my that processes and then I'll be ok. I'll still have to work my way through, but I figure I'll apply to the bookstore and a few of the clothes stores and there's a Fred Meyer's, Albertson's, and a Safeway. I could even work at a restaurant.

Anyway, I'm excited, I need to buy a few things still, mostly small things like shampoo and stuff, but a few big things too...I need to find a bike. I'm excited to face the challenges that will cross my path this next year.

S**t

I hate being that girl. So I was trying to help a friend of mine with a guy she kind of likes, but I think he's starting to like me. And here's the real problem, I promised I wouldn't steal him, but I think I'm starting to like him too, I mean he's really cool and he's fun. But I hate being that girl. I want to help her out so bad and that's how this all started; me hanging out with him last night trying to find out of they'd be a good match, and they might be, though I think he'd scare her with his driving a little. I'm guessing this is why I don't have a bunch of chick friends. F**k.

Senioritis.

I'm officially graduated from high school and I am still taking finals. Guh. And I'm super excited for the summer, I'm going to Italy (probably), and getting ready for moving out (Finally), and Kaytee and I are going to write a novel together (hopefully). Once we've got more written I'll post a summery or maybe the 'back-cover blurb'. Right now I have a scene up that we may use later in the story. I'm excited.

Book blurb

So a friend and I are planning to write a novel, this is a scene I wrote that may or may not end up in it, I'm posting it here for safe keeping. It needs some tweaking.

Hannah sat out on the floating boat launch, her back to the shore as she watched the storm clouds shifting. Everything was washed in grey as thunder boomed and rolled through the sky, angry clouds threatening to pour rain down at any moment. Her thoughts mimicked the sky, her thoughts roaring and churning, images of Kristofer and Hawthorne flashing sharp and bright like the lightning over head.

She sat in an odd calm as the deck below her pitched and bobbed, waves crashing up over the side, soaking through her jeans. She was spinning a bright yellow flower through her fingers; it looked like the last ray of sunshine had before the clouds raged in; desperate. She looked down at it and felt one of the velvety petals between her thumb and forefinger before gently pulling it from its place.

He loves me…

She raised the yellow petal to her mouth and blew it out into the storm. It settled on the raging waves and disappeared again. She plucked another petal

He loves me not…

She didn’t know how long this lasted, she didn’t even know who it was she was playing for, but soon enough, petal by petal she was left with one. For a moment the storm seemed to lull, like the world was breathing in. Hannah stared down at the last shard of color and slowly pulled it from its place. It rested in her palm a moment before it too was taken away by her breath, out to the ocean and swallowed whole.

“He loves me.”

The air shifted, the storm was breaking and Hannah smiled. He hadn’t made a sound when he had come; she had known he wouldn't. Vaguely she wondered how long he had been standing behind her.

“I knew you would be here”, he said. He understood her. He always had. He sat down on the end of the launch with her, his feet in the water, his white blond hair in his eyes and he didn’t say anything else.

The Holiday

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

Yes, this is indeed a chick flick. The Holiday stars Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black and Jude Law. Kate and Cameron play heart broken women who do a house exchange over the Christmas holiday, Diaz to forget her cheating ex she had just broken up with (by punching him in the face) and Winslet to forget the coworker she loved for three years (who also sheated on her while they were together). I'm going to leave my review here, because if I tell you anymore you basically wouldn't have to watch the movie, its predictable, but I still really enjoyed it. Its a cute story with a happy ending for everyone.

Eh

Looks like things with the readhead were just like I thought, he likes someone else. Its all good. However the frequency of this sort of thing is really annoying.
Anyway, I went to Folklife today, it was awesome. There is the constant backdrop of drums, guitar, bellydancing bells, and voices yelling and laughing over the din. Then there's all the venders selling food and clothes and trinkets. The 10+ stages which constantly have music playing andthen all of the street artists busking in the park. Plus the fountain to run in, dancing lessons, giant bubbles, and just the upbeatness of the place. I love it.

Stuff

Lots of stuff has happened lately, but I've decided not to worry anymore. I'm not going to stress over boy stuff. I'm over my ex and I'm letting him get over me. My best friend and I have t learn how to be only that without him freaking out.

I've got a guy I'm interested in but I'm not going to go out of my way to try and find a date. If he likes me back, which he might but its kind of confuzzling, we'll see where this goes. But I'm not going to flip out over it. I've "got to move like a jellyfish, rythem is nothing, you go with the flow you don't stop".

...

It is passed 4 in the a.m. and I am home alone. I hate being home alone. I cannot sleep, this house is way too creepy and our dogs keep me up. I have to be up in like 4 hours so i can clean up the soda cans and popcorn from the mini party tonight before my dad comes home. Good movie though, we watched Dodgeball. I think I will try one more time to sleep before throwing in the towel and watching The Holiday again.

Murderer

So...tonight was weird...I mean, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good.
I ran over, and killed a raccoon today. I almost threw-up. I was stuck somewhere between hysteria and tears. Elysha kept laughing at me. It was upsetting to say the least. I murdered a raccoon. They are my second favorite animal.
Also, I'm afraid I might have lost another best friend to awkward circumstances out of my control. This is also very upsetting.
That's all I have to say tonight. Thank you.

Masochism

Humans are innately masochistic. My best example is this; when there is something stuck in your eye, why do you feel the need to stick your finger in there too? I mean you've got something microscopic in there that hurts like a b*tch, so you shove something a thousand times bigger in there and expect it to get better? Its like shoving salt in an open wound. The sad thing is that people do the same thing after breakups and unrequited love. You keep looking at their myspace or their facebook or whatever, you listen to sad songs that remind you of them or you read the bulletins and surveys posted by them or the people you know they like to see what they are saying. And the sad thing is, even though it hurts to se what is said, we keep doing it. We go back day after day to see what else is there, what new thing has been said. Its a depressing truth. People thrive off of pain.

"But at least when your at your worst
You know how to feel then"- 'Right as Rain' by Adele

Mother's day with someone else's mom

So today was mother's day and my mom was out of the country. My dad went to his friend's house so I was going to be home alone. When our stage manager found that out she asked me to have mother's day dinner at their house, which was cool, I love Lori and her family is fun. Here's the problem; I like her son and he knows it, but he likes someone else.
This made tonight really weird, it was me Ike and Kelsey and Lori for most of the night, Isaac's brother Jake and his girlfriend were their for dinner but left shortly after. I keep trying to just be friends with Isaac, but obviously, that's hard. At the end of the night it was just us three kids downstairs listening to music and Ike and I were on the floor looking through his iPod (it was hooked up to the sound system under the T.V.) and I accidentally bumped his head with mine, he made a snarky comment and jokingly I asked if I should kiss it better. I really didn't mean anything from it, but I think he was uncomfortable with that.
This is why I never used to tell guys how I felt; they never liked me back and it ALWAYS makes things awkward, even when they promise it wont. Anyways, tonight was mostly good, I just wish things weren't wierd between me and Isaac, he's one of my closer friends.

Nightmares

I hate them. Mostly because they keep me from getting whatever little sleep I get. I mean, I don't sleep well, I'm bad at it or something I just don't get restful sleep. And I don't usually dream because of that. Which I'm ok with; I don't need to be trying to decipher cryptic messages from my subconscious. Lately I've been dreaming. in the past about 4 days I think its been I've had one dream and one nightmare. The dream was short, what I can remember of it anyway, and it was something my annoying little brain could have kept to itself. Basically a bunch of people from choir/theater were out duning but we were all in one person carts. Anyways, we all got out and we were going to go to this little house restauraunt thing but we had to cross this little bridge thing because there was like a river or something. Anyway, me and the guy I like were the last of the kids to cross the bridge, T was talking to the guy we rented the carts from and everyone else was already in the house cabin thing. As soon as we got to the other side of the bridge he leans over and kisses me for like 10 seconds. Thats all I remember.
My nightmare was not violent or gorey, which is typical of my nightmares. I have the feeling that it had to do with Ike, when i woke up I had that tight little urning jealousy monster right behind my breast bone again. All I know is I was terrified when I woke up and I had a ghost image still in my vision when I woke up. Evidently the last thing I saw in this nightmare was Rook screaming in my face with, to use the cliche, needle sharp teeth.
Before I got home last night after I droped everyone off I was panicking a little in my car because I thought I saw someone in my backseat but there was noone there. I'm starting to wonder if the nightmare was a warning, but supposedly Rook doesn't leave the theater. I dunno.

Counting Friends on One Hand

So it figures I can count on one hand my close friends. I'm extremely bored and I wanted to go out and do something with some friends so I decided to send out a text inviting people to come see a movie at the two dollar theater with me, but I got to about 7 people and had to stop and delete a few because they were at work. Then I added a few not so close friends and got to 10 total. Out of those 10, 3 replied; 2 couldn't or didn't want to go, and one was not sure if he could. There is now approximately 1 hour before the movie and I still have no one to go see it with. Blargh.

The Rules of "It's Over" (Break up Rant)

I really hate break ups; watching friends going through them or going through them myself. Inevitably someone ends up acting like a supreme a**hole. I am on day two of a break up. I have tried to be nice, tried to be civil when nice failed, and all I've gotten is a text inbox full of how horrible I was. How I never gave him enough time, how I made him feel stupid and treated him poorly. I guess I was wrong when I thought I was trying hard to be a good girlfriend. Maybe I was just not good enough. Basically I'm to the point where either I cry, sleep, or just generally feel like sh*t. I also am at the point where i really don't feel like ever trying to date ever again, and/or like I will never be able to get or keep a decent boyfriend because I am, evidently, a horrible girlfriend. It makes me really upset that he feels the need to sit there and make me feel bad. He says there's a lot of stuff he hasn't forgiven me for. Two years of my life that I wasted, and I forgave him. It just wasn't healthy for either of us. I don't know. I just feel like crap and really needed to vent. I'm tired of crying.

Eternal Sunhine of the Spotless Mind

Ok, so I haven't watched this movie in about two and a half months, but I feel the need to review it now anyway.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a trippy, intellectual journey through the mind and memories (literally) of Joel Barish as he fights to keep his memories about his ex-girlfriend Clementine.
After discovering that his girlfriend had erased him from her memory, Joel decides to do the same, but while asleep in his own head, he realizes that sometimes its better to remember the bad times, because with out the bad times there never would have been good ones.
And then there's a whole 'nother story line with Elijah Wood, Tom Wilkinson, Mark Ruffalo, and Kirsten Dunst (the technicians who are erasing memories)
Now I know that sounds really sappy, but like any good story this movie does have a decent, but not over baring amount of romance (believe me, I can't do sappy romances, they get all gooshy and my brain starts to run a little I swear).
Joel, the soft spoken and obliging business man who never does anything spontaneous is played by, get this, Jim Carrey. For those of you who are determined the man cannot play a serious role, this is a must see. His acting was phenomenal. Playing his counterpoint, the brightly haired, spontaneously, and mildly alcoholic Clementine is Kate Winslette. Kate plays this part to a T. Clem is gritty and straight forward, she takes no sh*t from anyone. My personal favorite quote from this movie is hers when she says, "Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours."
This is one of my all-time favorite movies. Its a little "futuristic" in the sense that memory erasure is a publicly available service like walking into a doctor's office, but it's not like the Jetsons or anything. This story is very..I want to say real, but I don't know if that really works...anyway, its amazing; romantic at times, but very real life, funny but not a comedy. I highly suggest it.

Sitting on a Saturday

So...this morning I've started doing my 13th year plan...it's stupidly easy. I don't understand why we have to do them. I mean, the only reasons I started are that I can't really do anything else, I've been sick with Strep and I think most of my friends are afraid to hang with me even though I'm not contagious anymore, and they are due this month and if I don't do it I wont graduate. Which reminds me, I have to talk to my P.E. teacher, the doc waived my P.E. for 2 weeks but I need to know how that will effect my grade...I kind of need this credit to graduate. Oooo...I need to do my Science homework...peace.

ARC Contest

{Insert Book Title Here} is having a ARC giveaway. I'm posting for Eyes Like Stars

http://insertbooktitle.blogspot.com/2009/04/join-contest-win-arcs.html

High School Field Trips

I'm not sure why they are still called field trips you know...since science classes don't do them that often anymore, excepting marine biology classes. How does Choir go out "into the field"? We go into fancy hotels and venues to sing with other well groomed and fragranced groups to be judged by well know, sometimes world famous choral directors and composers and artists.
This weekend rocked if you ignore the Choir B**ches who talk a lot of sh*t and the awkward couple making out in the corner while everyone is trying to sleep. Chamber did really well, I mean, we know our songs and we had fun up there. People seemed to like us too. I mean, we didn't place in the final concert, but there were directors and singers who told us they thought we should have. But what was most fulfilling for me was Jazz Choir's performance. I mean, we went up there and we really just rocked it. The crowd was with us the whole way, we were smiling and grooving and just honestly having fun and letting the people out there have fun with us. I mean, I walked off that stage out into the sun on our way to ejudication, and I felt high. I mean it was amazing. Euphoric one might say. Again, we didn't place, but that's fine, we reached a whole new level. I mean our choir usually gets on stage, doesn't smile, doesn't move, doesn't have fun, and noone has fun with use. We pulled the hugest 360 in history. It just really felt good. But now my voice is shot and I don't think I'm going to music rehearsal so I can have a voice tomorrow for night rehearsal for Starmites.

Last Ditch Effort

So now I know why my mom always tried to get me to pack the night before a trip...I'm sitting here about an hour before I have to be out the door and all my clothes are still in the dryer. I've already got all my bathroom stuff like my toothbrush and stuff packed, all my hair stuff and make-up, my bathing suit, which reminds me that I need to pack a towel...Both of my choir dresses are just waiting to be put in my case, but they have to go on top so they don't wrinkle too much...and I still have to get 20$ out of my bank account for food...and eat breckers...

On less of a rant, I recently discovered Richard Cheese. He's a Novelty Lounge singer. He takes songs like Enter Sandman, What's My Age Again, Down with the Sickness, Rape Me, and a whole slue of others and turns them into lounge music. Its amazing. I love it. I htink my favorite is either the Starwars Cantina, Baby Got Back, orChop Suey. Maybe Somebody Told me. Anyway, he's got a few CD's out; Aperitif For Destruction, Tuxicity, Sunny Side of the Moon, and Lounge Against the Machine are the only ones I can think of right now. If you like Lounge Music, or even just spoof music, I would highly recomend Richard Cheese, he makes me laugh.

A Fresh Start of Sorts

So...My friend made me this BlogSpot account during our science class...she demanded that I start posting daily...So I guess I'll try.
Saw Coraline today at the 2$ theater. I loved it; it managed to be charming and creepy at the same time. Neil Gaiman is a master, I still haven't read this book but I have intended to for a long time and now I have just that much more incentive. I definitely would suggest seeing this movie, the cinematics and the vocal acting are stunning. I was sucked in and stayed there.


In other news I don't think I'll be able to update everyday...at least not for now, I'm leaving town for a few days starting tomorrow for a choir trip to the Tri-Cities area. It's going to be amazing fun. I can't wait.